What started off as a great day turned into a nightmare. I was hesitant to share this as part of my baby blog, but this is a blog about Addi, my experiences as a mother and to share with others in hope that something I write might help another new mum or parent. It isn’t just about the good, it is about the bad too! And at the end of the day, if I can avoid this happening to just one other mum then it will be worth sharing one of the worst days of my life with you all. Sometimes mothers sugar coat motherhood and make it seem like everything is just perfect. That isn’t the case! This is a real blog about a real baby and real parents. I often say “my baby is broken…he doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t eat!!” I know I’m not the only one out there as I have talked to may other parents about my sleeping and feeding problems, but hopefully by me sharing my story someone that is facing these same challenges will not feel alone like I did!

So today Addi had his first accident. As the title suggests, he fell off the bed. As you know, earlier today I was treating Addi’s cradle cap and therefore I had to bath him and shampoo his hair to get the oil out. After one bath and drying him off on the bed with a towel I discovered that his hair was still oily, so I put him back in the bath. We were having a great time, I was soaking wet and so was the rest of the bathroom from Addi splashing. I washed his hair again and then took him back over to the bed to dry him off. Recently Addi hasn’t wanted to lay down to be towel dried, so I sit him on one towel on the bed and use another to wrap him up and dry him off. We were just about ready when I realised that I hadn’t got a nappy out.

Now before you say or think anything of my parenting…I am smarter than this, I do know better and should have known better. There is no excuse for this accident, it is my fault 100% and sometimes you have to learn the hard way. I am sleep deprived. I have had a baby that refused to go on his tummy, would not roll, did not move…so I’m totally not used to having to worry about this sort of thing. But Addi is learning to crawl and it is in his head that he should be doing it every single minute of the day (to the point that he wakes up at night and rolls over to crawl!). So yes, I should have known better! I should have seen this coming, but I didn’t! I have beaten myself up about this over and over again. Nothing you can think about me will ever top how I feel about myself for letting this happen. Why do you think I’m writing about this experience…to make sure no one else has to feel like the worst mum in the world like I do!!

Off I went, four steps away from the bed to get a nappy. As I turned around imagine how I felt to see Addi falling off the bed only to land directly on his head. Panic set in, a fall like that to witness for any mum would make your heart sink to your stomach. It happened so fast but it was happening in slow motion in front of me. He screamed and I don’t think I will ever forget that scream. I ran over and the only thing I could think was to pick him up and hold him as tight and as close to me as I could. I tried to calm him down and he just cried and cried. By this point I was now crying too. I grabbed for my phone and called Charles as fast as I could with shaking hands. It must have been the worst feeling for him. A frantic wife on the phone, crying baby and distress and panic in my voice “Charlie, come home now, Addi has fallen off the bed!!”

What else could I do but hold him tight. Eventually the crying stopped (or at least Addi’s crying stopped, mine I’m pretty sure was still going for a long time). It is winter, and remember we had just dried off after a bath so I grabbed my jumper and wrapped it around my poor, naked baby. Picked up a nappy in case I had to take him somewhere and took him down stairs to his room. By this time, Addi had calmed down so I was able to get the nappy on. I left him wrapped in my jacket as Addi gets upset at the best of times when trying to get clothes on him and the last thing I wanted to do was to upset him and have him start crying. Addi seemed to be back to normal! He was even giggling at Fuzzie who had made herself at home on the mattress. He was wanting to play, sick of being in my jacket, he was moving around wanting to crawl and play!

Daddy got home, rushed in and Addi just lit up (like he always does) to see his daddy. Everything was normal. He had a bump on his head and a bruise but apart from that you would never know he had just had a terrible fall. We got some clothes on him, gave him some panadol just incase of pain and then Daddy left us after some hugs to go back to work. I kept him up for about an hour after the accident but he was due for a sleep so I fed him and he fell asleep.

Still feeling like the worlds worst mother I called my mum and she managed to calm me down and make me feel ok. We talked while I kept a close eye on Addi so that he didn’t sleep longer than he should after having a hit to the head. But everything was fine, he still breastfed as normal woke up after about 30mins┬álike normal. He may have been back to normal, but I wasn’t. It took me a while to feel ok again. That night I had trouble sleeping, I just kept seeing him fall off the bed and me not being able to get there in time. I did take Addi to get checked out by a child health nurse the next day, just in case, but he was given the all clear just as I had thought. From now on drying, nappy changes, everything is being done on the floor.┬áNo more naked bed diving for Addison!!! Talk about learning a lesson the hard way!

Writing this a week after the accident I can say I am feeling a little bit better about my abilities to be a good mum, but it did take a while. I know that accidents do happen, but this was my fault and I know it. It could have been avoided and it was a stupid mistake. He is a boy, and will be hurt many times in his life time but hopefully never again will it be because of me. If I could have taken away his pain and it be me instead then I would have in a heart beat, I’m sure every single parent that has ever had to witness their baby or child in pain feels exactly the same.

Categories: Life's Fun & Games

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